Somewhere
by Cougar'sCatnip
Summary: <html><head></head>Cougar is missing and Jake is frantic.    Pairing: Cougar/Jensen</html>
1. Chapter 1

Somewhere…

By: CC

A flash of blue eyes and a deep sensual chuckle – pain built behind his eyes and he fell to his knees holding his head.

A hand reached out to him. "You ok, Gato?"

He flinched and dodged the hand instinctively. The nickname was close but not quite right and it grated on his nerves. "Fine," he ground out. "Just a headache." He forced a smile. "I'll just go sit down for a few minutes and it'll pass."

It had been this way for months, ever since he had been found dragging himself out of an alley. The doctor said it was a miracle the only lasting damage had been to his memory. He snorted sardonically. Maybe Doc should try losing his entire life only to end up haunted by a blond, blue-eyed ghost. He could feel the memories, the loneliness like a scar that just wouldn't heal, gnawing away at his heart. It was with him every second of the day and no matter where he went it was a constant companion. He was lost in the darkness, hoping, praying, searching for a sign, but met only with silence, his soul screaming for… something.

The therapist had thought maybe his tattoos would be the key to unlock his memory, some shit about ink being such a personal expression that surely it would get an emotional response. She was right, but emotion was all he got. No memories, other than brief flashes. The sacred heart with a 25 in the center over his heart evoked a sense of shame and grief and rage that made him feel like he was drowning, while the small keyboard on his hip brought a flash of inconsolable longing and a glimpse of those blue eyes, a blue as deep as a mountain lake, eyes that called to him across the distance until he thought he would go mad with desperation. His hand drifted to his hip and rested on the tattoo, his thumb caressing the ink, a link to… His head throbbed with the beat of his heart and it was all he could do to keep from crying out as agony ripped through behind his eyes.

"Fred, ya'll finished yet?" A soft female voice called to the head roustabout.

"Yeah. Take care of him darlin. We can finish this last one without him." Fred's voice was gruff.

A gentle hand urged him up and led him toward a small trailer set up in the back of the field well away from the midway. It was quieter back here with just the ever-present hum of the generators to break the stillness. By this point his vision had narrowed to a pinpoint and he followed in her wake trusting her to get him to a place of safety.

"Gato? Do you have your meds on you or do I need to go get them out of your tent?" She kept her voice low and quiet.

He fumbled at his vest pocket where he kept the small pill bottle.

She gently pushed his hands aside and retrieved it. "How many?"

"Two,' he whispered.

She shook them out and tapped the corner of his mouth. He obediently opened and she dropped the pills on his tongue and handed him a glass of water. "Now come with me. You're sleeping here tonight. I want you where I can keep an eye on you."

He was in too much pain to put up any resistance when she urged him to lie down on her bed and rest. She pulled the blackout curtains plunging the trailer into darkness and sat down next to him. She ran her fingers through his thick black hair soothing away the tension in his neck. The motion was oddly familiar and brought a sense of peace and comfort, and he instinctively leaned into the touch. A wave of melancholy washed over him and he fought to keep the tears behind closed eyelids. Her touch, while comforting, wasn't what he craved. At last exhaustion and pain took their toll and he drifted into a light sleep.

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It was the sound of crashing and breaking glass that drew Clay to the hacker's room at a dead sprint. He skidded to a stop at the sight of Jensen trashing his room. He had thrown his monitor against the wall and then proceeded to beat his computer into tiny pieces with the leg of his chair. He was making a noise, a low moaning that sent chills down Clay's spine as he demolished everything in his path. When he pulled a knife and stabbed the bed Clay stepped in. "That's enough soldier!" he snapped out. For a moment Jensen ignored him until Clay barked. "Stand down Corporal!"

Jensen turned stricken eyes on his CO, but after a moment obeyed him, and now sat so still and quiet that Clay was seriously concerned. They had been looking for any sign of Cougar for months and through it all Jensen had been upbeat, and convinced that it was only a matter of time until they found him, or at least Clay thought he had been upbeat and confident. Maybe it had all been a smoke screen, but whatever the truth, this sudden reversal was alarming.

"Jensen? What'd you find?" Clay sat down in the chair facing him.

Jensen's eyes held a desolation Clay had not seen since Bolivia. "Nothing! I can't find him Colonel. There hasn't been any activity on his account or his social since the night he disappeared. It's like he fucking walked into the night and dropped off the planet. I check the morgues for John Does filling his description every day, the hospitals, the police and prison system, the military - every place I can fucking think of and nothing. Hell if it wasn't for this tattoo sometimes I would think he was a dream." He rested his hand on the paw print on his hip. His thumb caressed the ink as if it was a lifeline. "I need to know what happened! I have to find him Clay. I just keep hoping for a sign, anything that'll point the way."

Clay flinched at the raw agony in Jake's eyes. "Jake, don't give up now. We'll find him."

"Give up? Is that what you think I'm doing? I will _never_ give up! I'll find him or die trying!" He ran his hand through his hair. "I just don't know what to do next."

"Right now I want you to lie down and get some sleep. You can't think straight when you're exhausted." He pushed the hacker down on the mattress. "Close your eyes and just rest." He waited until Jensen complied and within moments he had drifted off, but he noticed Jensen's hand never left the small tattoo.

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He whimpered in his sleep and she leaned forward to caress his cheek. She noticed his hand never left the tattoo she had glimpsed on his hip as he turned in his sleep. His scars told her he had lived a hard life but that one small tattoo also told her he was loved, and it broke her heart to see the man suffering like this. She wished with all her heart that there were something she could do to help him find his way home.

_A dark shadowy figure reared up in his sights. A sharp crack - pain flared in his chest. He fell back - stumbling- falling - his arms wind milling, desperately reaching for a handhold. He fell- a scream welling in his throat. Agony ripped through his skull._

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Jensen tossed and turned, as restless in sleep as he was awake. Clay frowned; he had no more idea how to find Cougar than the hacker did but he felt the pressure of leadership, the guilt that said he _should_ know, should have some plan. The emotional turmoil Jensen was in was horrible to watch and he ached to be able to give the man some kind of closure.

_He made his way through fog so thick you could feel it pushing against the skin. Somewhere in the darkness he could feel him. Waiting for him. He screamed his name but only silence answered. He fell to his knees praying- almost hoping that Cougar was in heaven where no one could ever hurt him again. Praying to find him, desperately hoping that this time his cries would be answered._

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Pooch dialed Jensen's number uncertainly; he just wasn't sure if the scrap of information he had discovered was worth raising possibly false hopes. The dull tone of voice Jensen answered with was all the incentive he needed. He shuddered, remembering how unanimated Jensen had been lately; a listless Jensen was just not… right and any hope at all was better than this silent despair. "Jake. Meet me over at Mario's. I am sitting on the patio. Come right now!" He injected just a bit of command tone into his voice. Jensen mumbled his acceptance and hung up. He glanced over at the EMT he had met. "He's on his way. You're sure it was Cougar?"

Gabriel took a sip of his beer before he answered. "Sacred heart tattoo with a 25 on the left pec and a keyboard on his hip? That's the guy you're looking for right? Went missing about nine months ago?"

Pooch nodded.

"Well then, it was your boy."

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Gabriel squirmed as the intense gaze nailed him to his chair. Pooch's friend was one seriously scary dude. "What hospital did you take him to? And do you remember the name you put on the chart?" The man's voice was low and controlled but he could feel the barely contained passion… violence? … surely not… behind that control.

"I was on loan that night. We took him to St. Luke's. Sorry I don't remember the name, but I'm sure we listed him as a John Doe. I just don't remember what, if any, number was with that. I did note his tats on the chart. I'll be honest; that's what I remember most about him. That and he had a pretty serious head injury. He had been shot and it looked like he fell off the roof. We got him stabilized and delivered to the ER and then we went out again. That's all I know about the case. I suggest you talk to Dr. Kaplin over at St. Luke's. He was the trauma doc that night, but whether he'll remember the guy? Who knows? I hope this helps." He smiled hesitantly.

Jensen nodded. "It does. Thank you."

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St. Luke's systems fell to Jensen's onslaught like a virgin at a swinger's convention. Clay, Pooch and Aisha grinned like mad at the sight of Jensen stripped to his boxers, dirty talking his computer. Aisha blushed and giggled at some of the stuff coming out of the hacker's deprived … or should that be depraved? … mouth. Clay laughed and shook his head and Pooch mumbled something about how Jensen seriously needed to get laid.

His yell of triumph had all the exultation of the conquering ravager. He spun his chair around talking so fast that they could barely make out what he was saying. "IGOTEMIGOTEMIGOTEM! Found the name of the therapist they sent him to! Dr. Patron, which is totally wicked awesome since that is Cougar's favorite tequila!" He took a deep breath and spun back around, his fingers already twitching.

The others exchanged amused glances and settled in for a long night.

Jensen snickered as Dr. Patron's computer spread itself open for his perusal. He located the right file within minutes and scanned the text rapidly. He noted the standing prescription and then read what Cougar had been dealing with for months: long-term memory loss (just another name for losing everything), debilitating headaches (thank God the file said those were fading with healing), and feelings of isolation, depression and fear (those would be dealt with once he was back with the team). He turned his attention back to the prescription. It was made out to Gato Doe. He laughed, they got pretty damn close with the nickname. He noted the pharmacy; glad it was a chain since that made his life a lot easier.

A few more minutes and he had those records spread wide open as well. He frowned. Each time the prescription was filled it was in a different town. "Shit Cougar. You couldn't just stay put and make this easy on me could ya? No, you have to be doing all yer sneaky ninja cat shit and making me work for it. Fine! I like a challenge and for once Gato, _you're_ the prey."

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Gato sighed, another "fun" filled night at the carnival, another night rousting drunks and keeping an eye out for trouble. He was thankful for the job. Being nameless made getting a "real" job difficult so this one was a blessing but damn it was… boring. The smell of dust, food, oil and sweat filled the air and the cacophony of sound threatened to bring on another headache. He made his way behind the rides to take a much-needed break. Jack, from the beer stand, tossed him a can of soda to take his meds with. He shook a couple tablets out and swallowed them down. Only two doses left, time to call the doctor and get another prescription called in to the pharmacy in town.

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"What I can't figure out is where he's getting the cash flow to keep moving like this." Clay wondered. "Is there a pattern to his movements?"

Pooch pulled out a state map and a highlighter and started marking down every town where Cougar had a prescription filled. Slowly the pattern emerged and they sat back and contemplated the map.

Jensen smirked. "Got ya!" He gave the others a feral grin. "I think it's pretty clear. Unless he deviates from this, the next stop should be right there!" He tapped the small town on the map.

"So what do all these towns have in common?"

Jensen scanned the news leads and spotted it. "There's a carnival that's been advertising in all these towns. Maybe he's working it?"

Pooch nodded. "That would make sense, especially if they pay him under the table."

"Won't hurt to check it out. Get packed up boys, we're heading out in ten." Clay smiled at the grateful look Jensen shot him.

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"Ok everyone split up and see if you can spot him. If you do, call Jensen, he's going make the initial contact." Clay nodded to each of his team. He grinned at Jensen who was damn near vibrating with nerves. He laid a hand on the tech's shoulder. "You better calm down before you give yourself a heart attack." He turned the man toward the midway and gave him a gentle push. "Go find him." He laughed as Jensen dashed off with the enthusiasm of a bloodhound on the trail. If Cougar was anywhere in the vicinity Jensen would track him down.

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Gato kept a close eye on the knot of college age boys on the midway. They had been drinking heavily and were posturing for a group of giggling girls. Girls and alcohol; a combination guaranteed to bring out the stupid in a bunch of boys. One of them stumbled into someone behind him. Gato caught a brief flash of glasses and a brightly colored shirt. Then a mumble of words and the situation exploded. Gato grinned and slipped on a pair of brass knuckles before he waded into the fray.

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"Damn stupid kids. I really do _not _need this right now!" Jensen was doing his best to pull his punches since the last thing he wanted was to kill someone. He dropped the last kid on his ass and turned toward the final opponent. He felt more than saw a fist coming his way and his hand flashed out and caught the wrist before a pair of brass knuckles could smash into his jaw.

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Gato's wrist was caught in a vice like grip and he was hauled around to face the last man standing. He was tall, blond hair spiked on top and he was wearing some outrageous t-shirt. His glasses sparkled in the sun and behind them…. Those eyes! He froze. The eyes that had haunted him for months stared back at him with an indescribable look.

"¡Mierda, eres real!" The words exploded out of his soul. _Shit, you're real!_

Jensen reached out with a shaky hand and cupped Cougar's jaw. He ran his hand up his lover's face and through his hair to the back of his head. He pulled gently until their foreheads touched and they breathed the same air. "Cougar," he whispered. "Sí, lo soy, mi vida. Te he estado buscando" _Yes, I am, my life. I have been looking for you. _

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"Cougar"… memories slammed full force through his mind and agony exploded behind his eyes and he went down hard. He came to on the ground cradled in Jensen's arms, the hacker whispering to him.

"Jake?" His voice shook with emotion. "Is it really you? I'm not dreaming again, am I?" He brushed tears away, not giving a damn whether it was "manly" or not. He had just been given his life back. He stared into the familiar blue eyes almost afraid to blink. He reached up and laid a hand that was also shaking on the tech's arm, his fingers clutched in an attempt to establish contact with his partner. "How did you find me?"

Jensen snickered and brushed a hand over his hip. "EMT remembered your tat." He grinned at the sniper. "Sorry it took me so long."

Cougar shook his head. "All that matters is you came." He reached up and brushed his fingers over the hacker's cheek before he pulled Jake down to meet him. He brushed his lips across Jensen's tentatively.

Jensen smiled and deepened the kiss as he threaded his fingers through Cougar's hair.

Neither of them even noticed as their team surrounded them, blocking the crowd's view and giving them some much needed privacy.

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A/ N ~ This story was written with **Somewhere **By Within Temptation as it's soundtrack.

"¡Mierda, eres real!" ~ Shit, you're real!

"Sí, lo soy, mi vida. Te he estado buscando" ~ Yes, I am, my life. I have been looking for you.

**Somewhere**

By Within Temptation

Lost in the darkness  
>Hoping for a sign<br>Instead there's only silence  
>Can't you hear my screams?<p>

Never stop hoping  
>Need to know where you are<br>But one thing's for sure  
>You're always in my heart<p>

[Chorus:]  
>I'll find you somewhere<br>I'll keep on trying  
>Until my dying day<br>I just need to know  
>Whatever has happened<br>The truth will free my soul

Lost in the darkness  
>Tried to find your way home<br>I want to embrace you  
>And never let you go<p>

Almost hope you're in heaven  
>So no one can hurt your soul<br>Living in agony  
>Cause I just do not know<br>Where you are

[Chorus]

Wherever you are  
>I won't stop searching<br>Whatever it takes me to know

[Chorus]

I'll find you somewhere  
>I'll keep on trying<br>Until my dying day  
>I just need to know<br>Whatever has happened  
>The truth will free my soul<p>

**See Who I AM **

**By Within Temptation**

Is it true what they say?  
>Are we too blind to find a way?<br>Fear of the unknown  
>Clouds our hearts today.<p>

Come into my world,  
>See through my eyes.<br>Try to understand,  
>Don't want to lose what we have.<p>

We've been dreaming  
>But who can deny?<br>It's the best way of living  
>Between the truth and the lies.<p>

[Chorus:]  
>See who I am,<br>Break through the surface.  
>Reach for my hand,<br>Let's show them that we can  
>Free our minds and find a way.<br>The world is in our hands,  
>This is not the end.<p>

Fear is withering the soul  
>At the point of no return.<br>We must be the change we wish to see.

I'll come into your world,  
>See through your eyes.<br>I'll try to understand,  
>Before we lose what we have.<p>

We just can't stop believing  
>Because we have to try.<br>We can rise above their truth and their lies.

[Chorus x2]  
>See who I am,<br>Break through the surface.  
>Reach for my hand,<br>Let's show them that we can  
>Free our minds and find a way.<br>The world is in our hands.

This is not the end.

I hear their silence  
>Preaching my blame.<br>Will our strength remain  
>If their power reigns?<p>

[Chorus x2]  
>See who I am,<br>Break through the surface.  
>Reach for my hand,<br>And show them that we can  
>Free our minds and find a way.<br>The world is in our hands.

This is not the end.


	2. Chapter 2

Somewhere… Epilogue

Lianna stopped abruptly in her tracks, all her attention riveted on two men walking down the midway. They were not touching and there was nothing overt but if you watched closely you could see the connection sizzling between the two of them. The fluid way they adjusted to each other, the subtle way they leaned together. Somehow, someway Gato had found his amante.

She approached them from behind slipping through the crowd until she was in conversation range. "Hello Keyboard." She gave them a gamine grin as they turned to face her. She ran her eyes appreciatively over the blond's tall frame. A couple inches taller than Gato, with blue eyes hidden behind glasses. His lose shirt and jeans hid what she was sure was a muscular toned body. He moved fluidly, comfortable in his skin, much like Gato was, all in all a good match for the Latino enforcer.

Cougar smiled at his friend. She had been there for him all through the long winter. "Lianna, this is Jensen." He turned that smile to the blond and she caught her breath at the intensity of the look he gave his partner.

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Dr. Sylvia Patron juggled her keys, cup of coffee and an arm full of case files. She unlocked the door to her office and made her way through the gloom to her desk carefully setting down her burden. She switched on the desk light and froze. Sitting in the exact middle was a large bottle of Patron tequila and a thin envelope addressed to her. She gingerly retrieved the letter and opened it cautiously.

_Dr. Patron,_

_The Gato has found his Keyboard. All is well. Thank you. _

She sank down in her chair with a relieved smile. Gato was one of her favorite patients and it pleased her that he thought to let her know he was ok. If she was reading this correctly then his memories had returned and he had been reunited with his lover. She pulled out his file, made a quick note and moved it to the former patient drawer. She reached into her desk and pulled out a cup and opened the bottle. She poured a small splash and took a sip relishing the smooth bite of the tequila, top shelf, just like her former patient. She toasted him and thought about lost loves and happy endings.


End file.
